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I believe that I exist

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guess the party's over huh
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I decided to try leaving the house first thing in the morning to see if it jump started me/got me offline/made me forget I'm out of weed. Target: High Park breakfast and reading.

After 'just checking my messages' for about 2 1/2 hours I missed the earlybird special, and didn't feel like paying $5.99 for a shit breakfast ($3.99 is fine). So I went hungry and went looking for a tree to read under. The tree I found was a site of a memorable argument. And I sat under it for a chapter.

Passed the capybaras on my way back, in the rear shade by the fence like they were last time I came, pining desperately for their brief freedom. I love the capybaras, but they're not mine, they're ours, and that is how it's going to stay. I read another chapter at a picnic table in the field where we once ran into F and G at day camp.

A friend who knows my favourite Canadian character actor, Gary Reineke, says that he was married to a woman in the 1970s but she died, and he has been single ever since. There was no way to move on, no way to forget her. He could only live the other parts of his life.
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Everyone Anyone who feels like it should post their ten most CRUCIAL CRUCIAL CRUCIAL-ASS movies, like the movies that explain everything about yourselves in your current incarnations (not necessarily your ten favorite movies but the ten movies that you, as a person existing currently, feel would help people get to know you) (they can change later on obviously).

Dawn of the Dead (Romero)
Duck Soup
Very Nice, Very Nice
The Devil At Your Heels
Crimewave (Paizs)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Once Upon a Time in the West
Feelings: Don't Stay Mad
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cut for tragedyCollapse )

At 2:45 this afternoon, Monday January 16 2012, Gord High died, of GVHD (graft versus host disease), at Princess Margaret Hospital, Toronto.

We were actually distant cousins - tied together in Niagara's mess of United Empire Loyalist roots. But that meant less than what we were to each other in the present - whatever present we were presently in.

Twenty-five years ago, Gord literally taught me how to rock and roll; and I'm still learning. In the last two years, I feel like Gord has been teaching me how to live. I won't forget.

We belong on the same plane of existence, wandering in and out of each others lives. Him all process and me all product, me gazing longingly outwards and him containing multitudes, each understanding and needing the other.

I love him so much. And he loves me back.

It's not fair.

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This morning Gord told Nicole, "I thought about it last night. I'm ready to quit."

So now he's on palliative care.

I'll be going there in the morning, I think really to say goodbye although not in so many words - I want to cling to just enough uncertainty to hope that there could be another visit, another chance to connect. I am going to finally give him a real, good hug and tell him how much I love him while he's awake (I hope against hope). I wonder why I couldn't do that sooner, before it came to goodbye.

I've been saying that he's not dying, he's living. That was the truth. And now, the truth is that he is dying. Nobody wants this. But it is happening.

And the birds will still sing, and the sun will still shine, and music will still play out of open windows, and this enormous, gentle, fragile world we are all visiting will still be. And the love will still be everywhere, waiting for us to understand that it's been there all along.
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Originally posted by deathpixie at Signal Boost: Return of the DDoS
For those wanting to know more about the recent DDoS attacks, yes, it looks like it was the Russian government trying to shut down the dissidents again.

As I said last time, while it's frustrating not to have access, LJ is a lot more than a social network platform. From the article:

"LiveJournal isn’t just a social network. It’s also a platform for organizing civic action. Dozens of network projects and groups mobilize people to solve specific problems — from defending the rights of political prisoners to saving endangered historic architecture in Moscow."

So while I know many are considering the move over to Dreamwidth and other such sites, supporting LJ is a way we can help support those who use it for more than a writing/roleplaying/social venue.

Also, as a FYI, LJ is giving paid users effected by the outage two weeks of paid time as compensation.

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An appeal for support! "Taking Shelter" on IndieGoGo

(Please forward this to anyone you think would be interested!) 

Hi friends -

As many of you know, I have been working for several years on a feature length collage of vintage Canadian movies, entitled "Taking Shelter". (I have also been writing a book about movies of the same era). Since receiving an Ontario Arts Council grant last year I have pursued this project full-time, and it has become a consuming passion for me.

It is also an incredibly involved and complicated project, and one that has taken longer to complete than anticipated. In short, my artist fee has run out, and I am broke.

Therefore, I am inviting you to support this project through a funding drive I have established on a site called IndieGoGo. Through this site, with your credit card, you may make donations to help me complete this project by early 2012 as planned! 

Here is the site:


Look at it this way: this is your opportunity to 'pre-order' copies of the movie at comradely rates. You may donate less or more according to your ability - the site details the many incentives I am offering for your money.

I know there's a lot of competition for your paycheque right now, and a lot of good causes out there. I am sufficiently committed to this project that I am asking you to consider this appeal among the many others that you have heard. I am creating something entirely new here, and the impact of this project is going to be huge once it is complete.

This is your chance to help me make it happen. 

That site once more:


Check it out!


Jonathan Culp

Writer/producer/director/editor, "Taking Shelter"

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Yep. For the guy that promises not to change anything. Un fucking believable that that is the best I, we, they can do. Or maybe it is depressingly believable. But I did it. 

I have skipped voting in the past, and I have at times regretted when I did vote. That time I went into a trance and voted for the Zionist investment banker because he was with the NDP nearly ruined me for voting permanently. But I find the alternatives repugnant enough this time that I felt moved to go on record as having an alternative preference. Even if said alternative actually promised that if I elected him mayor, then he would learn how to ride a bicycle.

I also voted for a friend of a friend for local councillor and for the name I recognized as trustee because when I was doing my research I neglected to observe that school board wards don't correspond to council wards.

I promise not to shit on anyone who voted for Smitherman to keep Ford out, although anyone who actually voted for him on principle is obviously living in some other DC universe. And I promise not to blame anyone who voted marginal or skipped the whole farcical exercise for what happens next, which is going to be ugly no matter what. People sure do get tiresome around elections with their moralizing pronunciations about why only their philosophy of electoral righteousness is worthy of consideration. That all sounds an awful lot like fear to me. Not that there's nothing to be afraid of, far from it, but I sure wish people would stop mistaking every third lamp post for Judas.

Now, back to real life, a/k/a movies.
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